[frugalfarmwife]

Thanks Markitcat and loco, it is an enabling situation and has been there in one way or another since I "stole" my hubby away from them (actually long before). We don't visit often as it's not possible, with hubbies full time job and the farm we just can't get away, you can't just walk away from 80 head of animals, it takes a lot of planning. When we do actually make it to visit we constantly get grief for never being there (oh yeah, THAT makes us want to visit!) Mom controls by whining and giving hubby gifts.

The brothers haven't been here in years to visit us, hubby always tells them "you know where we live and you know our number, the phone works both ways".

The "boys" have lives and families, in MY opinion they should come first, they should honor their parents by being good productive members of society and good spouses.

I also know that I'm not the easiest person to get along with either, but I've always gone out of my way to make sure that hubby visits/stays in touch with his family, I even schedule for him to spend time with his mom a few times a year, just about pushing him out the door, lol, just to keep the peace. I do make appearances and am pleasant for major holiday get togethers.

We have been made out to be the bad guys in this situation (younger brother claiming that we're part of the problem for having accepted gifts from her and not being there all the time) But for the last 15 years it's been this way, after all I stole him from the family and moved him away.

The second brother in some ways is a lot like me, we don't get what we want by whining and pouting, we're right in your face. The problem with he and I is as hubby says "we both know we're not always right but we have a problem admitting we're wrong" lol, hubby is VERY insightful! This brother is very aggressive and is a Jones, has to have it all now and I know he's borrowed/taken a lot from mom and in deep, but yesterday isn't the problem in moms situation, getting back the money isn't what needs done here, that won't work and would just cause more problems, I went into this trying to get mom to take baby steps and start fresh from today, stopping the leaks, not getting the money back thats already gone. This brother (#2) has 4 daughters and just took on a new house in a better school district which is a GOOD thing, bettering the future of their 4 daughters. His wife is a 5'2" powerhouse that keeps it all together and I REALLY respect her ability to run her house/family and work full time, but know that their bills are horrendous and that mom has helped a lot, but thats for the good of the grandchildren and we don't resent that in the slightest.

And I know that hubbies mom thinks we're close with my mom and that angers her also, we live close but we have separate lives, we don't see each other very often and don't barge into each others lives, we call before visiting and respect each other as adults.

I'm out unless ask specific questions, and hubbies fine, just sad that we got sucked in as far as we did, if mom calls him one on one he'll help, but he's really let her have it about baby brother hiding at her house/not having a job/making 30,000 under the table and hiring buddies under the table to do landscaping/construction, she's approved of all of this.

We're fine, again, keep it out of our house, discuss it only while doing chores and going on with our lives.

kj