Ok, let me start this with the comment that I'm one that takes ALL advice, mulls it over and comes up with my own conclusions, and no one is going to hurt my feelings or make me mad, heck I'm already insane, lol!
Let er rip on this one because I'm done pulling my hair our over it and basically just dumbfounded.
The story:
Hubby was raised in a low to middle income family, do today, pay tomorrow. My MIL (God love her, sweet woman) always picked up the slack, worked extra, took the blame, kept the bills covered but NO ONE looked at tomorrow. There are three sons, the oldest my husband, he always fended for himself, worked to buy what he wanted/needed, wasn't trouble but was NOT taught financial responsibility. The second son, needed someone on top of him at all times, private school and sports with LOTS of expenses and travel (but this kept him out of BIG trouble) Then 8 years later the youngest son now 29, spoiled rotten SNOT, could do no wrong, has been bailed out of every financial hot spot from day one (they co-signed on a 22 thousand dollar car when he was 18 and it went downhill from there)
FIL died, not even the money for a funeral, it was bad. A few years later MIL came into a substancial amount of money, also sold her house that was paid off, basically had 600,000 to her name, should have been her turn for the good life, she earned it.
We stayed out of the financial picture, ASSUMING things were going ok (what is it they say about ASSUMING? LOL)
Over the few years she did gift us a few times and we were VERY grateful and thankful, showed our appreciation, the money went into the farm, was NOT squandered. I'd say we were given maybe 10,000 total.
MIL went into business with sister, who got bored and closed the business without telling her, stuck with a 41,000 loss, but this is nothing.
MIL FINALLY asks hubby for help, discloses situation, YIKES!!
Assets Condo valued at 257,000=owes 140,000
Car paid off
furnishings paid off
bonds=68,000
debts, are you sitting?
equity loan=40,000 (this was taken out in 2005 to cover CC's etc)
interest only variable rate loan on business that failed 41,000
CC debt 10,000
furniture loan for 1 son 3,000
youngest sons truck
After REALLY getting on her we've also found out:
Youngest sons truck is in her name
she's paying youngest son and his wifes cell phones
truck insurance
allowing them to use her CC's (they're not paying her back)
second son
cosigner on vehicles
furniture
who knows what else
This is only the information we've gotten her to admit to so far, who knows what else is going to come up
This woman, 63, is working full time and between her income, SS,and a small pension from the teamsters she can't keep up, she's selling bonds monthly to cover the condo payment. All CC payments are late monthly and the 40,000 interest only loan comes due in July.
I'm good at plugging small leaks but she's stonewalling the whole way, not admitting that the other sons need to buck up and pay their own bills, in fact the youngest is not working right now and hides at her house playing on the computer all day, if something drastic doesn't change there he's going to lose his car and truck (IN HER NAME) SOON.
I've never been a close member of the family and if they get mad at me it's ok, and we know we'll never see a penny of inheritance from her, never wanted it and never expected it.
This will NOT drive a wedge between hubby and I, in fact seeing this has opened his eyes drastically and brought about a new appreciation for what we have and my frugalness.
We will NOT loan ANY OF THEM ANY MONEY.
So, what would you do if this was your family? How much would you help?
BTW, I DO love her dearly, but in our last conversation she said "but if I have it to give I want too, my boys deserve it" AHHHHHHH.
And this is NOT consuming our personal lives, we ONLY discuss it outside our house while doing barn chores, not in our house.
kj