My one word answer is "run" If not, then definitely read the series of NYTimes articles that I think Scanner was referring to and have the discussions however difficult they may be:
Here's the pre-marriage one. My wife and I would have benefited greatly from having the affluence conversation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scanner
Going thru a divorce over money matters.
I just read a very good article about compatibility. . .I can't remember all of the factors but I remember 3 you should be "close" on:
1. Good credit. Yeah, actually they suggest running a credit check on your future spouse. If you have a score of 720 and she has one of 590. . .there really may be a compatibility issue there. Nothing wrong with both being 590 (from a marital standpoint, altho there will be stresses) but you both should be the nearly the same as far as history.
2. Spender/saver. Again, no right or wrong per se. . .if you both are content living from hand to mouth, I wish you both very well. If you are both savers, that's good. Or if you are both good compromisers, that's good. But if you are really polar opposites and not willing to compromise, be careful about tieing the knot. You probably shouldn't.
3. Level of Affluence expectation. Is she expecting to be "taken care of" and a lifestyle that you can provide? (rarely men expect this so I am being gender biased admittedly). If so. . .and that's agreement, proceed with no judgment from family/friends. But this kind of goes hand in hand with #1. . .that credit spending could be a lust for a lifestyle that you or her can't really afford to acheive, esp. 40K. . .I can kinda see "Oops. . .before I knew it, I had 10K on the ol' credit card." But 40k? For no apparent reason (illness/disability)? Sounds like an affluence expectation coupled with financial irresponsibility.
Money and sex, 2 big matza balls should be discussed and how each would evolve in the marriage over time. It seems money is a bigger taboo to talk about in this culture.
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