Quote:
Originally Posted by kork13
hahaha this (and particularly the bolded part) reminded me immediately of a friend of mine. He happily entrusts all finances to his wife (and he's the sole wage-earner at present), only caring about their finances to the point that his wife gives him *this much* each month as his personal "fun money," to do literally whatever he wants with. All else, she takes care of for them. A very funny working relationship with regards to money in my view, but it apparently works very well for them, and they're both quite happy with the arrangement. ^_^ sorry for the tangent, just wanted to share a chuckle.
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Kork13 -- it does work for some people.
I understand the view that if both start out with nothing, then mingling and working together to better both is the way most couples handle this. Not everyone starts out in a relationship, financially equivalent. And when two people enter into a relationship unequally, then problems can occur... not necessarily will, but can.
And some people whom earn earn significantly more than their mates in life, can also decide with their SO to go either way as well.
There's nothing wrong with mingling... there's nothing wrong with separateness either.
Before "marriage" is agreed to, there should have been many discussions about money & goals and the what if's for the future. It's also true that people can change in their views though if I thought I could change DH, it certainly would have been a mistake to marry him in the first place.
I met my DH late in life, me in my early 40's, and he in his mid-30's. He was not raised with blood-relatives as his folks passed on before his teenage years; he was in the Army and saved money, only to had it taken by his foster folks. His education plans thus foiled he went to college by borrowing and working simultaneously and renting.
He's got the most generous heart and personality I could ever hope for and I love him dearly.
But he had also had a car totalled (which thankfully he walked away from without a scratch), and he's freely given what little money he had to friends when they too sorely needed it. He ended up with a bankruptcy under his belt due to the dot.com busts and job outsourcing etc.
Ultimately we met at his place of work where they sat me next to his desk on a job. I left that work for something better and afterward we started dating. He was renting one room in a house owned by other people, had a leased car (nobody would qualify him for a loan), and literally no savings -- living paycheck-to-paycheck. He had defaulted on some 25k of education debt and it was well into the 30k if not 40k by the time we paid that off.
I on the other hand, had a fully paid off car and condo in my ownership. I was saving money and not really having any type of financial issues. Just me saving for the future in whatever form that would be.
DH & I spoke of money and financial what if's and he wanted me to handle everything financially. All he wanted was a monthly allowance to do with as he wills, and now that amount is $200/month. We often shop together and most of the time what he "wants" gets paid from the joint accounts. Everything I separately own has him named as beneficiary.
We've paid off all debts and now work together for retirement and whatever comes our way. I have no doubt that he's 100% happy with this arrangement because all our debts are cleared. He could not have done this alone, and I could not have done all of this without his willingness either.