His staying "stuck" is fueling his depression. And, the reason he is getting so angry is because at this point he is very comfortable and change is quite scary. And, he is going to have to face a point of "sink or swim" unless you are prepared to fund and have him live with you for the rest of his life. You are simply going to have to force his hand for his own good.
Anyway, here is what I would do. I would start shopping for apartments. The main thing is to get him out of your house. I would find a cheap but decent studio apartment (one that he could afford IF he had a job) and then go ahead and pay the rent and security deposit for 3-6 months. Then, I would move him in, fill up the refrigerator, kiss him on the cheek and say "good luck". At that point, it is then up to him. He will start to have mounting bills and then soon rent will come due. And, an empty belly is also one of life's great motivators.
Fast foward, he may get kicked out of his apartment. At that point, he will need to decide to get roommates, move in with someone else, join the Army or whatever he needs to do.
But, also realize that some people are very satisfied with living a life of just having "enough". And, be careful not denigrate him if that is the kind of life he chooses. I respect anybody who is working and paying their own bills be they a surgeon or gas station attendant. All work is valuable and important. I can't stand hearing people denigrate "flipping burgers" as if that is somehow unworthy. Flipping burgers is a valuable job to society demonstrated by the fact that someone is willing to pay someone to do it.
You are in the position of "tough love". And, yes it may be a painful transition for all of you. But, keep the goal in mind which is seeing your son be self sufficient which will also make him feel much better about himself as well.
|