First thoughts:
1) Why did he quit college? What he studying something that he did not really want to? Or was he not keeping up? Was there an external reason -- like maybe a girlfriend?
2) Depression has many causes. Sounds as if he's gotten some relief from this, but if it's taken over a year out of those three years and he's got a temper and gets to where he's "screaming" at you, then there's still some issues there.
Things that you and wife need to recognize:
1) Joan is correct. You and your wife need to come to complete agreement on whatever is going to happen. If you two cannot agree on what to do, then you both need to come to terms with that fact that he may be with you for the rest of your lives. Because at this point, you're living under his terms right now.
2) Kenny is also correct. Depression is a dangerous thing. The son here, can harm himself or others if he loses it. And forcing a that person out into the world ("kicking them out") really will not help.
What I'd do if I were the Mom (she's already "put herself between you two guys -- so it needs to be Mom & Son alone for now):
Sit down with my son alone and have a heart-to-heart talk with him. You (Dad) need to be nowhere near them when they talk.... just not be home.
Son is having a hard time coming to grips with the fact of his adulthood.
Mom/Son talk here: Does Son have a girlfriend? Does Son ever want to have a girlfriend or wife? Maybe son is not comfortable with the opposite gender at all and would prefer another type of lifestyle?
I don't know. But Mom & Son need to be talking about his future, without anger, without threats and without screaming. And Son needs to be directed toward thinking about that future outside of himself.
Mom/Son talk continues.... when Son is thinking and talking about someone other than himself, Mom needs to direct the conversation to support. What kind of job would Son be interested in doing? Is there any kind of technical school training (since computers were mentioned previously) they (Mom/Dad) could help Son pay for with the goal of getting Son trained so that a technical school can place him into a job.
If Son starts to get angry; leave him alone to stew over the conversation. Don't argue, don't fight, don't contribute to anger. Just tell him that you and Dad want to be able to help and that you need to understand what he's thinking for his future.
Once Mom/Son have talked this out, Mom needs to talk with you (again without Son's presence). Hopefully by this time she'll have a better idea of what Son wants or needs that he's unable to accomplish by himself. Son is probably feeling overwhelmed and inadequate; his image of himself is not great as you probably know by telling us that he's avoiding you. It's best for you to not be there when they talk.
When your wife approaches you with these thoughts of your Son, the two of you need to determine whether or not you can help him in any way with getting the training to get a job that he'd like or with whatever he sees as being viable for him.
Once you two determine how you can help him to accomplish his goals, once you two agree.... THEN the three of you should be able to talk about this without screaming or yelling. To be a family is to be part of a team.
Son needs to feel support and may need help to get to where he wants to go. Kicking him out could cause a greater rift in the family and if something happens to him or others because of taking that route.... how would you feel then?
If son cannot determine a future for himself, and Mom cannot get Son to think outside himself, then I'd seriously consider getting a psychiatrist involved.
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