If it was me, I would go to see my father myself if he is dying. Will you be able to forgive yourself if something happens.
This way you can also stay with your friend and not hae to worry about staying in a hotel.
You and your husband do sound like you need to mature and stop playing games with the money and the My wants are needier than your wants. If you don't it will cause a ton of stress on the marriage.
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