[Seeker]

I get the impression that the husband's wanting a motorcycle is after being rejected time-after-time-after-time again; not only for a motorcycle but for other things.

Ambi- in another post you wrote that you saw your Dad last May.... May '07? How long has it been since he's seen his family? For him to see his costs $1,500 for you to see yours costs $8,000. I realize that your Dad is fighting cancer but doesn't this (8k per year) sound a bit excessive?

If you spent 8k last year, his asking for 1.5 + 6k does not seem like a whole lot to ask for? If he's going to Iraq, he may need to clear some things up with his family too.

I guess I'm seeing the "want" situation as a competition between the two of you. And is causing stress and grief on both sides. Marriage is about give and take; it's about compromise. It's about bad times as well as good times.

You are 27 years old and he's 30. You have 4 younger children depending on the two of you. You've been married 9 years and everything is borderline at the moment; you're living on the edge and are in the "red" financially. And you both are pushing each other away.

Frankly both of you adults need to discard your "wants" until your needs are not in the negative. If it means working part time and postponing your PhD, then maybe you should do that. If he can work more, then maybe he should do that too.

Your postings are putting up a bunch of red flags for me and I have this impending sense of marriage failure.