Yeah... ugh... I can tell this is going to take a LOT of discussion with him. And don't be surprised if I post for support to stay strong and ride out his temper tantrums... part of what has gotten into this mess is I'll tell him no, he'll have a temper tantrum... and I'm not evil... I want my partner to be happy, so finally I give in.
We went on a looonnnnnggggg drive. Probably a bad waste of gas but it was my only way to think of keeping him out and allow us to talk (if we are home he can tune me out with the TV).
His wants remind me of mine... my Dad has/is recovering from CANCER and is 67. He lives in Hawaii and this was his 2nd brain tumor... the first one partially handicapped him. I want to visit him SOOOO bad, but can't cause we can't afford it. Which is pitiful... when I sat down... we take home almost $6000 a month (not counting the rental) and we can't afford to see my father who has cancer? DH complains he's going to be 40 when he can finally get a motorcycle... so I told him my Dad will be dead before we can afford to go back... doesn't he realize I have just as much if not MORE to be disappointed about?
We want too much.... I actually suggested he go IA (something he's been suggesting to me to do to get out of debt). He'd be gone for a year in Iraq. We agree on our month to month budget... but can't agree on our goals or what to save for.
He tried equating my masters degree to him wanting a motorcycle, and I said No, my masters can earn me more money. I'm just ARRRRGHHHH!! Frustrated. I love him... but him going to Iraq for a year has suddenly become very tempting since he's not willing to budge on his goals.
He wants to spend $6K on a motorcycle, $1500 to see his family... I want $9000 for my master's degree and $8000 to have my family go back to Hawaii so my Dad can see the baby and I can too.
The conversation was never fully resolved. I told him I'll figure out how to get him a motorcycle if he figures out how to let me see my family in Hawaii. I don't know...
But I can tell this is going to definitely be a process... take a lot of discussions and not be overnight... yet I'm still very thankful to have found this forum cause at least we can agree on a month to month budget.
Now we just need to work on the next step.... our goals... cause thats where we argue. In DH's words "I'm not going to wait 3 years to have a motorcycle... I'll be 33 then... what's the point?" Or "You want to be debt free so that means we should live like paupers till we're 40" (which really - if we worked on this for 4 years... we'd be entirely debt free besides the mortgage)
Anyhow, thanks for listening to me vent... and again... I appreciate any advice. Even if its just encouragement to keep me from giving into his ideas.
|