Quote:
Originally Posted by AmbitiousSaver
Problem is... I keep wondering, what caused this... if I can't figure out - I can't figure out how to never get back into this. For awhile I thought, marital problems... we spent more when we were unhappy. No, can't be JUST that... not to this extent. And as much as I like to blame DH.... I realize, the problem is me.
He had it right all along... sit down at the beginning of the month with a piece of paper & write out everything, and then you can't go overbudget. But when we went thru marital counseling and I complained that DH wouldn't let me touch the money and he complained I wouldn't let him eat whatever he wanted in the house... the counselor suggested I take over the finances and DH could eat whatever he wanted in the house and we could "just buy more"
It also wasn't fair... DH had no idea of the finances to the point he has to call me to ask how he's going to pay for a tank of gas... meanwhile I resented the fact this burden was mine alone and he just had to come to me like a child asking a parent. That's probably where we also went wrong.... he'd bug me and bug me for this and that... saying how he was unhappy with the house, the car, the... whatever. So I'd resist and say no... but like a child the tantrum or unhappiness would stew... and I'm not a parent, I want to see my partner happy... so eventually I'd cave. How else do you get 15 cars in 8 years?
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmbitiousSaver
When DH gets home... we're going to go over it together... everything is going to be a joint decision now. Our finances will be on a piece of paper clear as day on the refrigerator & anything ANYTHING we spend will go on that.
|
I'm really in no position to give advice, but these two things jumped out at me. I also have a spouse who avoided dealing with money and our financial situation, and I let that go on for way too many years.
It sounds like you and your DH are now able to get together and work out a mutual plan for your benefit. I second the person who suggested Dave Ramsey. A lot of what he has to say seems to be geared to get couples to work together, and he has information on how to get that ball rolling.
Oh, and I also agree with the person who said your counselor was out to lunch.
While it seems overwhelming now, I have every confidence that your situation will improve. You're here and taking steps to make things better.