[LuxLiving]

Welcome Smileybear,

Irregardless of whether the marriage dissolves, at least a temporary separation sounds to be in order, as it might get your husband on track to solutions to HIS problems.

Meanwhile, back in the wallet, even if he was permanently disabled and unable to work, you easily make a sufficient salary to do all the things you discussed - live in a nice place, make retirement and college savings investments and have an emergency fund. You just need to shift gears.

Make a list of priorities and start working it. The nicest house in the neighborhood may have to fall down on the list FOR NOW to just sufficiently nice housing, depending on the COL in your area. Once fully funding your 401K, having a fully funded IRA every year and BASIC bills paid, food on the table, an emergency fund in place, etc., then you can go back to higher cost housing down the road. Necessaries FIRST, wants second!

I liked the idea of third-party arbitration between you and your spouse. Even if you stay together and just one of you works, you make a salary that should cover the basics, but I'd keep in mind that with just one salary coming in you need to think how you'd Long-Term sustain the lifestyle you create on just one income? You will both have to be on board to becoming very aggressive savers now and downsizing the housing arrangements would allow for much more to be put back towards retirement. It's coming!

So if husband doesn't make the cut? A single on your salary should be able to have a nice home, a good standard of living, plus be able to put back for retirement and a college education for your child. Just a matter of getting the money you make working for you. Don't throw out by the shoveful what you're working so hard to bring in the door. Shuffle up the money cards and rearrange where you're putting it!

If Hubby doesn't like it? He could get on board and be part of the solution and the rewards. Right now he wants all of the rewards with none of the sweat!

Question: Are you on a month to month rental now? How will you get out of the place you are in? I'm just thinking if you make actual steps towards getting another place your husband may decide to jump on board. But please be careful, your husband sounds on the edge of being verbally abusive and depressed. It's only a step away from physical abuse so please proceed with caution!!