Hi,
Some more background on my situation....
Our Marital Settlement Agreement (done through limited mediation because I wanted to save myself and him from ridiculous legal fees) calls for me to obtain a new mortgage on the home, in my name only - picking up the current balance left on the existing mortgage. The deed has already been transferred into my name only (11/07).
Short list of the terms calls for the Home Equity Line of Credit to be paid off by 7/30/08.
(Background: I did not discover, until we separated, that the credit line was used to finance his business and that it was tapped out. He hid this from me for 3 years.)
His payoff of the LOC triggers my filing the MSA with the court so the divorce can take place. Since there were no retirement funds or other assets to split, I chose to take the house with balance of mortgage at time of re-fi, in lieu of spousal support, that would have been paid to be over the next 10-12 years.
My husband's salary is four times what I was bringing into the household, so his support payment would have been substantial had I gone that route (or equal to half of the $600,00 house value- back when that "was" the value of the home).
I worked part time to raise the kids for 21 of our 25 year marriage and my salary went towards groceries, clothing and home expenses, not much else. When he walked out the door, I had $300 in my personal savings. We were also paying for 2 kids to go to college.
Since he left (3 1/2 years ago), he has paid the mortgage, insurance and property taxes on the house while I banked as much as I could after paying utilities, upkeep and personal expenses. So I have banked $40,000 in savings since 2006 when it became clear to me that I couldn't save the marriage by myself.
(Essentially this would have been equal to temporary support had I filed for it. My youngest child was under 18 years old for 9 months after he left, but because he led me to believe we would reconcile I did not file for child support, so he played me pretty good.)
Terms of our agreement (which we both signed off/notarized last November) called for him to continue to pay all of the above until he paid off the LOC. He was initially to have completed this last December so we could be divorced in 2007. He has, no suprise here, postponed his self-appointed deadlines over and over again, stating lack of funds.
The mediator purposely set up the agreement this way so he would be paying down the mortgage balance until I could re-fi, to give him incentive to get his part done.
By the way, I can't even begin to go for a new mortgage until the LOC is paid, as it is essentially a lien on the house. And, he was the petitioner of the divorce (11/06), so there is much irony in this situation. He wanted the divorce, yet, he is the person dragging it on this long, but seems to be the only person on the planet who can't see how foolish it is for him continue to think these are terms that make sense.
At this point, I could take the MSA and file it with the court and get the divorce finalized so that I could take him to court for violating the terms of our contract. He would then be (actually he is now) in contempt of court and I could file paperwork to go after the LOC payment. I have been reluctant to do this yet because I know it would only create more negativity in an already crazy riduculous situation and if he really doesn't have the funds, then I'm still in the same place. I am also the party benefiting by just accepting it and being patient, as the longer this continues, the lower the mortgage balance for me to assume. (Mantra - this too shall pass)
Well, I tried to give you the short version, but it doesn't look too short now, does it? I could write a novel with all of the other sorted details, but wanted to try and convey to all of you some of the emotional abuse I've tried to overcome through these past months, now years.
My only hope is that my story will help someone else from being betrayed by a person they trust. The lesson I learned from all of this is not to take life for granted and to always trust my gut before anything or anyone else.
Thanks again for your input and I welcome more comments - your objectiveness is grounding, encouraging and offers perspectives that I have not considered by being so closely wrapped up in this situation.
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