[MonkeyMama]

You know, around here I blog/speak much about the financial reasons why my spouse (hubby) stays home, but it was a personal decision we made long ago. It really had little to do with finances. We wanted to raise our kids ourselves.

With time I think we have decided in an ideal world we would both work part-time. If we had known this before, we would have worked towards this goal.

I have the next best thing. I know the kids are well cared for (who else will care better for them than a parent?) & most of the household stuff is taken care of by hubby. So I don't identify with the plight of most working moms. I also have a pretty flexible schedule. So best of all worlds.

The only other thing I had to add was that I was fiercely anti-daycare before I had kids. Things change once you have kids. They have different personalities, and you learn that being with them 24/7 doesn't make you a good parent. In some cases it makes you a worse parent (just so exhausting). We send both our kids to part-time daycare now. Not necessity at all, but it is really good for them - both for different reasons. It was more for them than my spouse, but the stress factor is way decreased with everyone getting a break from each other once in a while. So yeah my tune has certainly changed there. I always read the comments about not letting strangers raise your kids. Well, duh. Our kid's daycare is our second family. We don't have family real local, so this is the next best thing. I can't imagine not having that support system.

Likewise, I did not *get* the mommy wars in the least with my first kid. He was fiercely independent and extroverted and bright, and he needed more than we could really provide. This is why we started considering daycare when we had once been so against it. Likewise, he was only awake 2-4 hours every day while I Was at work. Some of my SAHM friends REALLY annoyed me as they clearly thought I Was terrible to work. I breastfed and saw him at lunch every day, and he mostly slept while I Was gone. I didn't get what the big deal was. He went from infant to toddler in a few months (Walked at 9 months, etc.) Then I had another child. He was more what I expected. I didn't know there was this whole baby stage between infant and toddler. IT was just SO different. & yeah I missed a LOT more waking hours with him (he just didn't sleep much) so it was a very different experience with him. I actually stayed home 8 weeks with my first child and was very fine with that. The second one I stayed home 6 months and it was hard to go back. Just very different experiences. & they needed very different parenting styles. I don't think baby #2 would have thrived as much if I Went back to work at 8 weeks with him. But we kind of took their lead and made it work best we could. I guess my point being, the best laid plans, when you have kids? You never know how it is really going to be...

I have to agree with Zetta in that it really depends, on returning to work. I could have taken a year or 2 off of my job and it would have been sitting waiting for me. Or finding another job would not have been a prob. I also have a very flexible schedule. But talking to my other mom friends I find this to be quite rare.

I think it will always be a different story if you are out of the work force 5-15 years then if you just take a year or 2 off. Those are 2 totally different scenarios. My spouse has been out of the workforce almost 6 years. HE may have some part-time opportunities later this year when the eldest starts school. BUT he is probably going to go back to school and update his degree before he even bothers trying to jump in. We always figured this was a chance to start over in a career he would enjoy more. It was an easy decision because he didn't like the track he is on. If he starts over in his early 30s, big whoop. Most people don't know what they want to do anyway in their 20s, so we figured why not have kids instead... He still is young enough that we don't feel much financial setback if he starts over in a few years. No intention to go back into his old field though.