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Scanner, certainly you and your wife must realize that she does not have to go through with an unplanned pregnancy unlike years ago when women had no choice but to bring unwanted children into the world.
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Exile,
Yes, we realize it and now we are stepping into the realm of ethics. I am willling to have the conversation but I think it could ignite a lot of argueing at the forum so I'll erase what I had written.
I don't want a lot of fighting/hard feelings because of me.
Right now. . .everyone is just emotional. She's in a state of denial/non-acceptance still. I talked to her tonight about it and she confessed, "I still think it's a dream and I'll wake up and find out it wasn't real." Her brain hasn't accepted it.
It goes beyond finances. . .she doesn't want a child to have to take care of "old parents" like my best friend did - he had "old parents" when growing up (speaking as a kid who hung out with them/made it a second home - their "oldness" was probably 50% a state of mind - you know how some people just seem "old" - they just plopped in front of the TV and were kind of shut-ins). In this child's 20's, we'll be in our 60's, going into 70's. That's typically during the "settling down" phase of life. We won't be able to be as good grandparents as to our oldest child and we fear being a burden to them when they aren't able to handle it.
Also, she'll see young moms in their 20's sending her kid off to kindergarden and she'll be 45 y.o. She's very self-conscious about that, for some reason, although I tell her it's fine/normal. She was self-conscious about being 39 and our kid went off to pre-K this year (rode the bus).
It's not just about the money (although I worried about it initially I guess like a typical Dad).
Well, I'm rambling. . .I kind of wish I had a pastor/priest/minister to talk to at this point.