I didn't say I wouldn't help my kids. I said I would help them if I was able but would not jeopradize my retirement or Emergency Fund to do it. What I consider help is different from what others consider to be help. This is my opinion and of course, you are welcome to disagree with it.
My children can live at home free of charge while going to college. I will pay for a meal plan if needed and books. I will help them search out scholarships and grants. That is helping them. But I'm not saving money for their college and I won't pay for a dorm room or an off campus apartment. If they want that, they'll have to figure out how to come up with the money. And it is very likely my children will end up going to trade schools anyway, my daughter in graphic art design and my son as an engineer or something mechanically inclined, all programs offered in the local VTC.
If they do choose college they will do an A.S. or an A.A. through the community college and transfer to the local university (it accepts the CC's A.S. and A.A. programs directly) to finish up. There will be no fancy private out of state school unless it offers a free ride. If I'm really lucky they'll want to do Running Start during their last two years of high school, where you get your A.S. or A.A. at the same times as your high school diploma and it is paid for by the state.
Throwing money at a child's education is not "helping" them, it is just giving it to them, and it does not create independent adults capable of making it in this world. It creates the huge sense of entitlement that we see today in the whole credit mess and mortgage debacle. Just giving them money to go to school is doing it for them, not teaching them to do for themselves.
Most young adults do not value their education while they are getting it because they did not have to work to get it. Kids constantly skip classes, drop classes and get incompletes because after all, it isn't their money being blown, it's Mom and Dad's money. And they don't really know what they want to do anyway, so a few dropped classes here and there don't matter much to them. Only a focused few are an exception.
If you want to pay for your kid's education, fine. More power to you. But I'd hope that you'd make them at the very least come up with half of it, either by working and saving their own money, or getting grants and scholarships. Giving it may give you satisfaction temporarily but earning it will give them satisfaction for a lifetime.
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