[TBH]

Thanks, everyone, for the sympathy and the ideas.

I don't think I will get a second opinion. I chose this dentist because three separate people recommended her to me (including my own dentist) for my son. I have a close friend whose daughter had major dental work done at age 3 (my son's current age) and the dentist sedated her and strapped her down. The kid is now six and is still suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from that dental work. They now use the dentist I took my son to. I feel pretty confident that I've vetted this dentist well and that she knows what she's talking about.

The other factor is that I have so, so, so many problems with my teeth. My son appears to have inherited them. So I'm inclined to think she's not exaggerating the problems because I've heard the same thing myself for so many years from different dentists.

Plus, I have a baby tooth still because there was no adult tooth underneath it. My son's papa has the same thing, and so does his cousin. All this family history makes it likely that some of the teeth he has now will be with him into his thirties. And as others have said, the overall health of the mouth is going to determine the health of the adult teeth that are coming in. There is no way I'm going to put off this work.

I feel very fortunate that I do have an E fund. When I get a $2000 surprise like this I can say "oh, that's terrible. What a misfortune. Let me get my checkbook." And then I can go about the business of rebuilding that savings. Many many parents in my situation would have to choose between taking on debt to pay for this, or choosing not to have the work done.

In retrospect, I should have taken him to the dentist much earlier. Three is too late, but someone told me when he was a baby that he didn't need to go til he turned 3 so I just put it out of my head. They're saying now that kids should go by age 1, or by age 2 at the latest. Also, he was breastfed and we co-slept. All that sugary milk sitting on his teeth all night for so long was really bad.

Plus, dental insurance would have taken the edge off, but I agree with other folks that it's a joke. His premiums would have cost me $300 per year, and there's a $1500 annual maximum payout. Even before you reach that maximum, there are all kinds of co-pays and out-of-pocket expenses. In this extreme case I would have been better off with insurance, but I think many years dental insurance does not pay for itself. But some kinds of insurance you hope you never use, and I guess dental is no different.