Comments on: Are Weddings A Huge Waste of Money?

By: Julie P

Julie P — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 02:28:08 +0000

When I got married (9 years ago! :>), I had already been living on my own for a few years, and so had my fiance. We knew it was OUR responsibility to pay for the wedding. We did what we could, and decided to spend “more” money on nice things for our new home. We had a small wedding, with only 20 in attendance for the ceremony, and about 100 for the reception (which was held at my sister’s house). I agree, I only needed my new husband, and I love that we didn’t put a financial burden on anyone!

By: Heather Persellin

Heather Persellin — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 09:42:07 +0000

As a wedding professional, I might have a bit of a unique outlook. I am an ordained minister and I perform the wedding ceremony itself. I have done weddings from just the couple and a witness to large affairs that the couple obviously spent many thousands of dollars on. When I have couples that are stressing about having a large wedding I try to remind them that it is THEIR day. I tell them that all they need for a wedding is each other, an officiant, and their love. (And a witness in most states!) I think my happiest couples have weddings that reflect exactly who they are and exactly what is important to them. The couples that have these huge affairs are often more stressed and don’t get to spend nearly as much time with each other and their family and friends.

By: Paula

Paula — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 22:39:24 +0000

Honestly, yes I do think weddings can be a waste of money. I am married myself, but DH and I got married by a justice of the peace in a simple backyard ceremony and then took a four day cruise for our honeymoon in 2000. We did not run up a huge debt as we just couldn’t afford it. We did get some money that my father gave us and we used that as an emergency fund in our savings account.

My younger sister and her fiance eloped about five years ago and got married in Vegas while they were both on leave from the Air Force. They are both very nontraditional and were able to do things the way they wanted–my sister got married in a metallic gown and black combat boots! I thought that was perfect for them and they are happy to this day. They have a cute little house in TN now.

Unfortunately, several of my coworkers have planned big weddings and gone into considerable debt for their big day. One of them lives in a rented apartment and worries that her and her fiance will never be able to afford to buy a house!

By: Henrietta

Henrietta — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 21:25:37 +0000

I got married and my husband paid me to let him sleep with another woman. I was fine with until I realized it was going to be everyday. I did make twenty bucks!

By: Michelle

Michelle — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 14:37:33 +0000

Huge weddings are a choice – your friend & his wife should decide how much they’ll pay for their kids weddings (a round number equal for each) and stick to it. Also, traditions of who pays what are shifting – many couples don’t get any parental support. My parents told my siblings and me that they had set aside $10K in accounts for each of our post-college futures – and it was our choice whether we wanted to ’spend’ it on a wedding, a house or a trip around the world. And by the way – none of us went to college on Mom & Dad’s dime – they paid 1/2, we had to work/get scholarships for the other 1/2. Of the 4 kids, one had a lavish wedding (she paid anything about the savings amount which was $13k by the time the money was withdrawn), one added that money to her house-savings and bought with 20% down and hauled the whole family down to the JP and then out for BBQ for her wedding (me – yeehaw!), and baby brother #2 is going to Asia for 2 months this summer and will have enough left to save for a future trip to Europe(his pot o’ money is now $19K since it’s had 8 more years to grow that young bugger). Bro #1 is still sitting on it, but knowing his fiancee, if she knows about it, she’d spend it ALL on a wedding in a heartbeat. He’ll probably not tell her and then use the money after they get married for a house. But back to your friend – it’s kinda rotten that he would be so unfair as to not support one daughter if that child chose not to be married! My parents were very fair to set that money aside for all kids – not just us girls! Though I wish they had done it sooner, as my little brothers got so many more years of the power of compounding interest!!

By: Anne

Anne — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 16:59:16 +0000

I used to be a pastor, which gives me a uniqued perspective on all of this.

I cannot count how many times I’ve heard people say “It’s HER DAY – she should get whatever she wants” or “But this is supposed to be the happiest day of my life.”

If it is HER day, a mature response is to think of all the other people who are arranging their schedules in order to attend and buy gifts, etc.

And I sincerely hope – and I said this in every one of my wedding sermons – that this is not THE happiest day of the couple’s life, especially if they are only 25. I hope that they go on to have many more happy days.

Having said that, rituals evolve for a reason. The big wedding used to make sense IMO, especially in a time when family members helped in making a lot of the food and the couple was so young that they were establishing their first household and needed all those gifts.

All rituals are focused around a time in life that is important, a time of transition for a number of people, like the parents of the bride and groom. The event, planning the event, gives an opportunity to talk about things. A father may have dreamed for years about walking his beautiful daughter down the aisle.

This doesn’t mean that they have to follow through on all those dreams and fantasies, but sharing them can be meaningful for everyone. And can ultimately suffice. Without the need for anyone to spend thousands of dollars that they can’t afford to spend. The ritual can still be meaningful. And that’s what matters in the end.

By: Brenda

Brenda — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 15:15:37 +0000

Hi I am a mom and I do dream of My 17 year old looking like a princess when she gets married (After College of course!) BUT I also know that she can and will look like a princess without having to meet the national debt! 2 years ago we did a wedding for my niece with 100 people and we did it with $500 plus the 250 that her Mom paid for her dress, veil and shoes. All the women on each side got together and we each made or fixed the thing or things we were good at and you know she and her sister( Made of Honor) Looked like two princesses. Now yes at first she was wanting to spend ALOT of money but once she saw we could make the same thing for SO MUCH LESS she just enjoyed it and she wouldn’t have it any other way. In today’s economy I defintally say put more TIME in MAKING the Wedding of thier dreams and save the money to help them get the home to start living their dreams in. That’s how our princess will begin her new life when the time comes and I have NO Doubt she will cherish it always!

By: Catherine Holmes

Catherine Holmes — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 14:56:20 +0000

I must also add that neither my husband nor I had any debt to our names, other than the homes that we separately owned at the time. If I had $50K in school loans then it would have been irresponsible to have a $30K wedding and would not have done so.

By: Catherine Holmes

Catherine Holmes — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 14:54:57 +0000

It’s all relevant IMO. My parents spent about $30K on our wedding. I promised it would be a celebration and a happy time of planning w/ my mom. We never had a fight and I stayed sensible. My parents only allowed what they were willing to pay cash for and not go into any savings accounts. I have friends who have put their weddings on multiple credit cards or whose parents have stupidly emptied their retirement funds for. It’s just like anything else…if you can’t pay cash for it or if you have to be strapped to a budget down to the dollar, you don’t need it. My parents could have spent twice what they did, but I stayed sensible and made sure we were married w/in 6 months of becoming engaged so that I wouldn’t start seeing all kinds of things that I “needed” (sarcasm).

By: Lindsey

Lindsey — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 14:08:35 +0000

I am currently planning my wedding and I believe that it can be done in a more frugal manner than most. I have a friend who rented me her beach cabin for the entire weekend for free so that we could get married on the beach. I have two bridesmaids and I paid under $100 dollars on dresses for both of them by waiting for them to go on sale. We are arranging the flowers and making the invitations ourselves. Our guest list is around 75 people and my fiance cashed in his air miles on his credit card for our honeymoon!