But, in my experience I have faced the exact opposite problem.

I am of Indian extraction and in our culture we do not hold parties and then expect people to pay for their own meals. So, when I have my annual birthday party, I always foot the bill for everyone. I used to make no mention of that but people get embarrassed on the day if I haven’t mentioned it in advance so now I say, casually, ‘its on me’.

In most cases when I was living in Sydney, people come happily (and I only ever invited people I had genuine relationships with) people came empty handed and not even brought me a birthday card. I am not a materialistic person and I couldn’t even tell you want I want for Christmas but it surprised me a little that I was not considered special enough to even think of for a birthday card. Most people happily came and then didn’t even bring a card and many of these people didn’t reciprocate the invitation when it was their party a few months later.

I have never, ever included requests for presents or registries or any such thing, far too tacky!

For weddings of people who are a bit older and have many possessions I can see the sense in giving cash rather than toasters and towels that they already have but, again, I would never ask for that.

Since leacing Sydney, I have met much more genuine people and such stinginess and mean-spiritedness has not been a problem.

I think you are doing the right thing to go to the parties/events that you really want to go to, and where you feel genuinely invited to attend, rather than genuinely invited to bring a gift.

I’m not really opposed to baby showers for 2nd, 3rd, etc. children, but I definitely think they should be much more low key events, and that the registry should reflect the fact that they’ve already had a child…so no asking for a crib, a bouncer, a baby bath, etc. I’m especially forgiving if the child is of a gender that they haven’t yet had.

I have a good friend who does a great job of making the folks she invites to gifts feel welcome. She tells them that she wants to see their faces, not their gifts.

On the flip side of weddings, there are people who WANT to be invited and are OFFENDED when they (or their kids) aren’t. I remember getting married, and it can easily be $30 to $100 a person, so you have to be ruthless. When your second cousin, twice removed wants to bring their 5 kids…yikes!

We’re getting hit with kids’ birthday parties. 10 this year. I LOVE the parties, but honestly, when we had our son’s party, it was just to see our friends and their kids, and we even said “no gifts!” Especially if you do the math on $10 to $20 per kid times 10 parties…

BuT, let me offer an alternative explanation for some of the ‘offenders’ out there.

When I send out an invitation to ‘distant’ relations and friends, and friends of friends (good example – my kid’s babysitter’s neighbour who I have spoken to 2 times), I am not expecting a gift. In fact, I am assuming that having those extra people there will cost me money. When I want to save money, I invite less people. But, What I want to do is SHARE MY WEALTH with as many people as I can. I want to host. I want to provide drinks and food. I think nothing is worse than having a party to celebrate with your friends and family for a massive occasion (My dad’s 50th birthday for example) and having only eight people show up. When I throw a celebration, I want everyone there. That is the GENEROSITY of my heart.

Mind you, I don’t send requests for cash or registry lists either.