I’m glad to see there are other parents in the same situation I am in. My Son is now 22, moved back home 3 years ago after quitting college. He refuses to find work, does what he wants, and eats what he wants. Periodically he’ll pitch in for some food, clean only his room and do the dishes from time to time. He makes money off the internet but not enough to make it on his own. A few times during the week he’ll go out with his friends. As much as I love him he is driving me / us crazy. I’ve asked, told and threatened to throw him out but he just ignores my requests. I’ve asked him numerous times to help with the bills and pay a monthly room and board charge but he just refuses. Any time his Mom or I bring up the subject he looses his temper and starts screaming. This usually turns into a battle between the two of us with his mother getting between him and I. I’ve gotten to the point that he needs to leave but I don’t know how to make it happen. Giving a deadline did not work. He only forced my hands knowing I had no good way to keep him out. His Mom does not have the strength to support my reasoning.
When he moved back in 3 years ago he was depressed and lost, I’ll admit I gave him and continue to give him a hard time. I continue to push him to get work and get a place to live but he has learned how to avoid me by sleeping while I am home from work. I’ve watched him suffer through his depression. It took him over a year to get it together, numerous doctor visits, different med’s and finally he found some relief through exercise and eating properly. But these past 3 years have been turmoil for everyone in the family. His refusal to move on with his life just makes me frustrated. I was brought up to be independent. If my parents needed anything I was and still am there to help, and I’ve tried to convey this onto my children the best I could. My independence is what drove me to become a professional with an opportunity to retire at 45. But my son just lives his life as if he had no worries in the world. Parked in front of the computer, making his own meals (refuses to eat with us), out at night with his friends, up until 7am and sleeping all day. I can write a chapter on this subject but I guess it will have to wait.

I only want to see my son succeed in life. I love him dearly and miss the togetherness we shared before college. I can only hope.

Anyone reading this… Thanks for listening.

I told all my kids starting around 14 years old that when they got their license we would pay their car insurance until they turned 18. If they got a ticket or in an accident before they turned 18, they would have the choice of

1. Quit driving
2. Get a part time job and pay their own insurance.

we also told them at the age of 18 they had a to get a part time job to pay for car insurance and take over their cell phone bill regardless of their situation. We also told them they had a choice to make when they graduated high school.

1.Go to college full time and we will pay for it.

2.Get a full time job and pay rent.

You think this would seem like a fair deal or whatever you want to call it, right? My 21 and 20 year old kids don’t think so.

I don’t get it nothing changed from the time they started school at five years old until they turned 18. They were required to bathe,clean their room, go to school, do household chores. No smoking,drinking or drugs were allowed and to always let someone know where you were going to be, (for safety and common courtesy reasons)In my house the same simple rules apply after the age of 18, honestly please tell me if this is an unreasonable request?

My ungrateful selfish childish kids would rather pass up the opportunity given to them for some unknown reason.

I notice (childish), as a key word here. Kids just don’t get that all we do as parents is try to make life as easy as possible for our kids.

I would have talks with my kids, that we are trying to send them on the safest, fastest, easiest path to get their life started. I feel we are good parents and built a good strong foundation and I hope they end up at the same destination even though they decided to take the long winding road.

So this final comment is for the kids and young adults out there, May your parents haven’t worded everything to your liking, but I hope you read these comments from the kids that took advantage of their opportunity and listen to how other parents handle their house hold so you can see we all want the same out come. I am waiting for he day kids realize and believe that their parents are the only people who would never put them on the wrong path. Please comment! I know most kids wont listen to their own parents, they always seem to trust someone elses’ opinion even if it is another parent I hope I got through to someone today

good luck and god bless all

Amar
Young man. It was your place of residence up unitl age 18, period. It was never your house. As was so eloquently pointed out - you paid for nothing. Ownership, and entiltlement comes from work and investment. Up until age 18 you were allowed a reasonable expectaion that you could call this place “home”.

It’s now time for the selfishness and fear of growing up to stop.

Richelle;
Good for you on many points - at least you are not free loading, but that’s where the kudos stops.

To you both and others like you;
your parents graciously and lovingly gave up 20 plus years raising kids. Now it’s their turn. There is no excuse for kids to be living at home.
Get a job, get two, get three. Get a roommate - struggle like everyone else has always done.
Regardless of how long you are hiding at your parents home, Regardless of how much you save, you will face struggles and hardship. So did we all. It builds character and teaches us how to budget and manage our lives. It is how we actually EARN RESPECT of self and from others.
There is a very distinct change in attitude in todays kids. There is a sense of entitlement that was not earned and the “oh poor me” syndrome. The I’m too good to work there or the I “won’t” work more than one job becasue it might hamper the socail life problem.
Get a grip !!! These are sacrifices that anyone who made it has to make. Those who did not do so are under a bridge somewhere, with their attitude a shoping cart and nothing else.
Parents are not “obligated” past age 18 - PERIOD - not by the state nor by God.
The fact that many kids are still living in their parents home is an amazing priveledge and nothign else.
You kids are “owed” nothing at this point.

To the parents who are enabling these kids.
Please see a qualified therapist. This is not healthy for your kids or you or your marriage.
You are hurting all the above.
There is no guilt to be had. You did your job, you raised them. Now set them free. Free to grow and make mistakes, just like you and I did. To suffer, and to learn to appreciate; just like you and I did.
Bless you all, Best of Luck.

My wife allows her mid 20’s son to come back into the house whenever he likes. He lives outside the house for a few months & then has to come back because he doesn’t know how to manage money & always finds himself in financial trouble. He had to come back this time because his bar tab where he worked was $3500 over 5 months??? He now lives @ home & doesn’t pay a dime in rent nor does he do any jobs around the house. He’s supposed to do some jobs, but doesn’t. My wife just keeps enabling his behavior. I think it is high time he grew up & figured out his own problems.

My advice to her has been to charge him rent & put that money aside, so that he has a down payment for an apartment in 6 months, but she thinks I’m an idiot. I’m afraid he will be with us until he’s in his 30’s.

My wife is afraid to let her son grow up, & he is afraid to grow up.

To Amar (#12) Why not move out & pay rent? If you can give your parents that money, there is no good reason to be living @ home.

To Richelle #(33) You seem to have a good plan, but don’t make it sound like you are doing you parents a favor by paying for your own toiletries. That should be something that is expected from the time you get a part time job.

Our parents expected us tp pay rent when we graduated school & started working full time. Nobody grumbled & complained about it. We just did it. We WANTED to grow up. Things were expensive then too. I feel part of the problem now, is that we as parents have allowed these “adults” to act like this. They don’t need cell phones, ipods, flat screen TVs, etc. We have spoiled them beyond belief & now, when they should going out & making their mark on the world, they don’t know how.

My wife has no plan with her son, she feels he will move out when he’s ready. His laundry is done for him, his meals are ready when he comes in from work & he has no responsiblities. Is that fair to him? Is that fair to the other people in the house who do their chores?

My plan is to put away this money into an account so I can afford living. I feel that this site is very biased. It is very hard to live a young adult today. wages have only gone up 7% but living cost are up 47% since the 80’s. How can one earn enough to live with numbers like these?

I have graduated school, and have a stable relationship, and am planning to marry in the near future. I am planning to move out in a year or two. This should be how long it takes for my boyfriend to get his job as a cop.

Everything is planned. I put away 400 dollars out of my 500 dollar paycheck each pay (bi weekly) the 100 is spent on misc. (bills, dates, etc) the rest is saved for future living. I have no debt.

My parents know this plan, but have out of the blue decided that they want to charge me rent. I’m a very hurt by this. I don’t consider myself a bum and I know they do a lot for me. In fact I try to cook my own meals, I do all my own laundry and some of the household laundry. I keep my room clean and I clean my bathroom regularly. I’m taking this as though they think I’m lazy and that I have no plan or direction when in fact I do.

Not all young adults are lazy. Many of them work hard. The only way I see it, is this is an amount that they are taking for themselves, which I could have used towards my future housing fund which would actually result in a sooner move. Now I will be there much longer.

Anyway I know I will get comments about how lazy and ungrateful I am. But would a lazy person have a plan and work 7 days a week?

The same thing happened to one of my friends. The only difference was she had just finished school and gotten a full time job when her dad was transfered.
At first she was really angry/hurt that her parents would consider moving knowing that she “needed” to live at home.
After she said that out loud she realized how selfish she sounded and went out and got an apartment.
She is a lot happier now that she is on her own. She told me that the only reason she was so mad was because she was scared that she wouldn’t be able to pull off living on her own.
Stick to your guns. He’ll survive.

My husband and I have to relocate out of state because of his job. My son is not happy he can’t move back with us to his home state. He says he wants to move back and “save” money. I do worry -because he chose an out-of-state school and now wil l be burdened with huge student debt - to the tune of six figures. We have provided him cars,insurance,rent,food, spending money. He says he can’t afford an apt. in this area (which is probably true\)_ I suggested getting roommates. Anyhow - he has been angry about it and then sad. He says we aren’t thinking how hard it is on him and we are self-centered! Amazing - anyhow- I will do as these other parents with my husband (who is is step-dad) Help with the resume, help him find an apt. etc. but I think they need to grow up.