Comments on: Hiding Money From A Spouse (Your Advice) - Finances & Simplicity - The Pay Gap http://www.savingadvice.com/blog/2007/05/01/101377_hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap.html Bridging the gap between saving money and investing Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:58:18 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.1 By: Marie http://www.savingadvice.com/blog/2007/05/01/101377_hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap.html#comment-274527 Marie Mon, 31 Mar 2008 14:00:55 +0000 http://www.pfadvice.com/2007/05/01/hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap/#comment-274527 I'm in my 2nd marriage. My "loving" husband had an affair that I discovered 8 months ago. (he never confessed...he was CAUGHT). He came back home and I've been trying to keep the marriage together. The only thing I asked of him for his part in the healing was to not lie to me. He hasn't been able to do that. I even asked HE see a counselor to work on his own issues...but, he's lying to HER too!! He's currently on workers comp. for a knee injury. The man hadn't brought a penny into the house in 4 weeks and we were living off of MY 3 part time jobs so we were both really looking forward to that $742.00 check. When it came in, he didn't tell me. I just noticed a $400.00 deposit into the account. When I asked him how much the check was for he said $740.00. When I asked where the rest of the money was, he said..."in the house" but wouldn't tell me where. For some reason the $400.00 deposit was taking days to clear.I called the bank and asked why? She told me that when there's a check THAT large, it can take 72 hours for it to clear. I said, "LARGE?" It was only $742.00 of which 400.00 was deposited. She said, "Honey, the check amount your husband brought in was over $1300.00!!!!" 4 weeks...not one penny and he was hiding $800.00!!! I was livid. It's my last straw and I'm going to file for divorce. I told my boss to take me off direct deposit so he will have NO idea how much my checks are. It's been 5 months of saving and I only have about $1,700.00. With 3 children I need to make sure I can make it on my own. This is my 2nd marriage and I trusted this JERK with my life. LIVE AND LEARN! He doesn't know that I'm filing. Oh, and not only is HE going to be served the divorce papers...but his little slut will also be served AT THEIR JOBS!! There's all types of reasons that a spouse will hide money. But, for one thing I took him back AFTER he had a 3 month long affair with this hose beast and for 8 months I've been putting up with his lying. Lying about such stupid stuff like when I found out he was searching through my purse and when asked he said "no" without even hesitating. I pressed it and he finally admitted he did. He's got issues and to be honest at 42 years old...I don't need this in my life. Like Dr. Phil says...The only thing worse then staying in a bad marriage for 10 years is for staying for 10 years and 1 day. As soon as I know me and my kids will be OK...he's GONE!! I’m in my 2nd marriage. My “loving” husband had an affair that I discovered 8 months ago. (he never confessed…he was CAUGHT). He came back home and I’ve been trying to keep the marriage together. The only thing I asked of him for his part in the healing was to not lie to me. He hasn’t been able to do that.
I even asked HE see a counselor to work on his own issues…but, he’s lying to HER too!!
He’s currently on workers comp. for a knee injury. The man hadn’t brought a penny into the house in 4 weeks and we were living off of MY 3 part time jobs so we were both really looking forward to that $742.00 check.
When it came in, he didn’t tell me. I just noticed a $400.00 deposit into the account. When I asked him how much the check was for he said $740.00. When I asked where the rest of the money was, he said…”in the house” but wouldn’t tell me where.
For some reason the $400.00 deposit was taking days to clear.I called the bank and asked why? She told me that when there’s a check THAT large, it can take 72 hours for it to clear. I said, “LARGE?” It was only $742.00 of which 400.00 was deposited.
She said, “Honey, the check amount your husband brought in was over $1300.00!!!!” 4 weeks…not one penny and he was hiding $800.00!!!
I was livid. It’s my last straw and I’m going to file for divorce. I told my boss to take me off direct deposit so he will have NO idea how much my checks are.
It’s been 5 months of saving and I only have about $1,700.00. With 3 children I need to make sure I can make it on my own. This is my 2nd marriage and I trusted this JERK with my life. LIVE AND LEARN!
He doesn’t know that I’m filing. Oh, and not only is HE going to be served the divorce papers…but his little slut will also be served AT THEIR JOBS!!
There’s all types of reasons that a spouse will hide money. But, for one thing I took him back AFTER he had a 3 month long affair with this hose beast and for 8 months I’ve been putting up with his lying. Lying about such stupid stuff like when I found out he was searching through my purse and when asked he said “no” without even hesitating. I pressed it and he finally admitted he did.
He’s got issues and to be honest at 42 years old…I don’t need this in my life.
Like Dr. Phil says…The only thing worse then staying in a bad marriage for 10 years is for staying for 10 years and 1 day.
As soon as I know me and my kids will be OK…he’s GONE!!

]]> By: Rick http://www.savingadvice.com/blog/2007/05/01/101377_hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap.html#comment-78224 Rick Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:45:22 +0000 http://www.pfadvice.com/2007/05/01/hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap/#comment-78224 Anyone who thinks this is an oversight or miscommunication is kidding themselves. This isn't pocket change. She's hiding more than money. You probably need legal advice more than financial advice at this point. I wouldn't let her know that you know. Just keep whatever documentation you already have. Anyone who thinks this is an oversight or miscommunication is kidding themselves. This isn’t pocket change. She’s hiding more than money. You probably need legal advice more than financial advice at this point. I wouldn’t let her know that you know. Just keep whatever documentation you already have.

]]> By: Evelyn http://www.savingadvice.com/blog/2007/05/01/101377_hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap.html#comment-69018 Evelyn Tue, 03 Jul 2007 21:02:07 +0000 http://www.pfadvice.com/2007/05/01/hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap/#comment-69018 Gee. I have a friend who noticed her husband always had $100 bills cash in his wallet. She confronted him and he denies having it. One day she was in the garage looking for a screw driver and found an odd looking can. She opened it and found $9,000. cash. She suspects he got a bonus from his job and cashed it without telling her. He often gets bonuses at least once or twice a year, but she's noticed he says he hasn't gotten one for two years. Meanwhile, she is managing the finances. They just bought a new house with a much larger mortgage. Financially they are strapped and he isn't saying anything. She is very angry and thought about just taking it and investing it in a secret account in their childs name. That would really throw him off. I always thought people wiht character always told the truth. This is lying. I don't know what to tell my friend. Their marraige has other problems. I think it is very hurtful and I know she would not think of ever doing someting like this. It is a lie of ommission by not telling about the securities account. I believe it is wrong and I think the wife in this case should be confronted. Gee. I have a friend who noticed her husband always had $100 bills cash in his wallet. She confronted him and he denies having it. One day she was in the garage looking for a screw driver and found an odd looking can. She opened it and found $9,000. cash. She suspects he got a bonus from his job and cashed it without telling her. He often gets bonuses at least once or twice a year, but she’s noticed he says he hasn’t gotten one for two years. Meanwhile, she is managing the finances. They just bought a new house with a much larger mortgage. Financially they are strapped and he isn’t saying anything. She is very angry and thought about just taking it and investing it in a secret account in their childs name. That would really throw him off. I always thought people wiht character always told the truth. This is lying. I don’t know what to tell my friend. Their marraige has other problems. I think it is very hurtful and I know she would not think of ever doing someting like this. It is a lie of ommission by not telling about the securities account. I believe it is wrong and I think the wife in this case should be confronted.

]]> By: Joey http://www.savingadvice.com/blog/2007/05/01/101377_hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap.html#comment-42664 Joey Thu, 03 May 2007 22:39:53 +0000 http://www.pfadvice.com/2007/05/01/hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap/#comment-42664 I was just listening to a piece on CNN about spouses lying about DEBT!!! This far outways lying about having extra money. I was just listening to a piece on CNN about spouses lying about DEBT!!! This far outways lying about having extra money.

]]> By: Joey http://www.savingadvice.com/blog/2007/05/01/101377_hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap.html#comment-42499 Joey Thu, 03 May 2007 09:49:25 +0000 http://www.pfadvice.com/2007/05/01/hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap/#comment-42499 Jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst. Again...wow. I don't want my wife knowing about the money. We aren't suffering. The money is going to my wife and son regardless of divorce or death. I don't see me being a bad husband because of it, sorry. Jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst. Again…wow. I don’t want my wife knowing about the money. We aren’t suffering. The money is going to my wife and son regardless of divorce or death. I don’t see me being a bad husband because of it, sorry.

]]> By: Credit Cards Advice http://www.savingadvice.com/blog/2007/05/01/101377_hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap.html#comment-42116 Credit Cards Advice Wed, 02 May 2007 02:19:03 +0000 http://www.pfadvice.com/2007/05/01/hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap/#comment-42116 I personally would go balistic if I found out about this. There are some comments about issues in the marriage. I would have to guess that there are serious relationship problems and the best way to handle this is: 1. Think honestly about problems in the marriage and come up with ideas on how to resolve the problems and be prepared to take responsibility for your part in the problems 2. Confront her 3. Talk openly and honestly about the issues 4. Remain calm and cool through this discussion. It's going to be heated chat. I personally would go balistic if I found out about this.

There are some comments about issues in the marriage.

I would have to guess that there are serious relationship problems and the best way to handle this is:

1. Think honestly about problems in the marriage and come up with ideas on how to resolve the problems and be prepared to take responsibility for your part in the problems

2. Confront her

3. Talk openly and honestly about the issues

4. Remain calm and cool through this discussion. It’s going to be heated chat.

]]> By: savvy http://www.savingadvice.com/blog/2007/05/01/101377_hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap.html#comment-42000 savvy Tue, 01 May 2007 18:17:55 +0000 http://www.pfadvice.com/2007/05/01/hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap/#comment-42000 Is is possible that this account exists from before they were married? Is is possible that this account exists from before they were married?

]]> By: Joey http://www.savingadvice.com/blog/2007/05/01/101377_hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap.html#comment-41994 Joey Tue, 01 May 2007 17:42:08 +0000 http://www.pfadvice.com/2007/05/01/hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap/#comment-41994 By the way, after reading "She is lying to you by hiding this. Who knows what else she is hiding." I felt sad. Somehow this person was really hurt by someone and the response automatically goes to worse case scenario. Wow. By the way, after reading “She is lying to you by hiding this. Who knows what else she is hiding.” I felt sad. Somehow this person was really hurt by someone and the response automatically goes to worse case scenario. Wow.

]]> By: Joey http://www.savingadvice.com/blog/2007/05/01/101377_hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap.html#comment-41991 Joey Tue, 01 May 2007 17:39:31 +0000 http://www.pfadvice.com/2007/05/01/hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap/#comment-41991 In California this is a moot point. Doesn't matter who's name its in, if you are married its community prop. That being said, I have been doing the same thing for years. I have several accounts in my name that I sock away money that my wife has no idea exists. Now we are not hurting for money at all and by all accounts she would never miss the money. But the reason I have it is because its purely liquid earning interest and if there were ever a "true" emergency, I have the money. Plus I have cancer, and though not terminal, every few years I seem to get a new form. Because I got cancer rather young, life insurance is almost non-existent for me. (Should be another topic of discussion). So when I go, there will be plenty of money waiting for my wife and son. So why not just tell her about it now? Well because then everyone gets too comfortable. "Oh we can buy that $8000 couch, we have the money" or "How about the Range Rover now instead of the Audi?". Thats the way she thinks, and that's ok. I have no ulterior motives. I have NOOOOO plans on ever leaving her and boy do I hope she has no plans on leaving me ;) In California this is a moot point. Doesn’t matter who’s name its in, if you are married its community prop. That being said, I have been doing the same thing for years. I have several accounts in my name that I sock away money that my wife has no idea exists. Now we are not hurting for money at all and by all accounts she would never miss the money. But the reason I have it is because its purely liquid earning interest and if there were ever a “true” emergency, I have the money. Plus I have cancer, and though not terminal, every few years I seem to get a new form. Because I got cancer rather young, life insurance is almost non-existent for me. (Should be another topic of discussion). So when I go, there will be plenty of money waiting for my wife and son. So why not just tell her about it now? Well because then everyone gets too comfortable. “Oh we can buy that $8000 couch, we have the money” or “How about the Range Rover now instead of the Audi?”. Thats the way she thinks, and that’s ok. I have no ulterior motives. I have NOOOOO plans on ever leaving her and boy do I hope she has no plans on leaving me ;)

]]> By: Nev http://www.savingadvice.com/blog/2007/05/01/101377_hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap.html#comment-41988 Nev Tue, 01 May 2007 17:01:13 +0000 http://www.pfadvice.com/2007/05/01/hiding-money-from-a-spouse-your-advice-finances-simplicity-the-pay-gap/#comment-41988 You need to aproach her about it. She is lying to you by hiding this. Who knows what else she is hiding. The cool thing is that because she is supporting you if it turns bad she will have to keep up your standard of living. Also you would be intitled to half of anything she has. That is unless this was inheritied directly to her, in that case you need to get your name on the account. By having her change it to a joint account she effectively gets rid of that inheritance rule. You need to aproach her about it. She is lying to you by hiding this. Who knows what else she is hiding. The cool thing is that because she is supporting you if it turns bad she will have to keep up your standard of living. Also you would be intitled to half of anything she has. That is unless this was inheritied directly to her, in that case you need to get your name on the account. By having her change it to a joint account she effectively gets rid of that inheritance rule.

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