Comments on: Who Should Pay When Eating Out?

By: Maria

Maria — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 14:56:09 +0000

Me and my husband went to stay with friends on a ‘free holiday’, as they described it, then were told, after agreeing to the visit, that they were booking a meal. This was not expected, since I always cook for guests unless they want to go out and the word ‘free’ implied that they would. The bill was expensive but we felt obliged to pay it as we were staying with them overnight, though we could not afford it, having had some heavy expenses recently. We could have had a bed and breakfast for the price of the meal, so ‘free holiday’ was misleading.

By: Gail

Gail — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 14:52:26 +0000

When adults go out to eat, they should each pay for themselves. I don’t drink and during the time I was working and went out on the occassioanl meals with co-workers I didn’t see why I should be helping pay for their more expensive meals and drinks. I order what I can afford and am upfront from the beginning with the server that it will be seperate checks. Saying that when ordering allows the pigs to understand that they have to pay their own way and those of us on limited budgets can get what we can afford.

If I invite someone out for a meal however, I fully intend to pay for the meal. It is those crazy get togethers with associates/coworkers/so called friends that makes no sense that you are being forced into paying for someone else to splurge while you drink water and eat the cheapest item on the menu.

By: persephone

persephone — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 12:37:42 +0000

Friends should pay their own way. Parents should buy for their kids. Whoever initiates a date should pay on a date. Couples should not think about who pays because they are a partnership.

By: Amy

Amy — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 04:51:11 +0000

I don’t think the “whoever is doing best pays” argument makes any sense. Why complicate a friendship by bringing money issues into it? When two friends go out, they should agree on a place that both can easily afford.

By: spicoli

spicoli — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 21:06:42 +0000

I am male but I do not have a lot of cash. Anyone who wants to buy me dinner is more than welcome to do so!

By: Jackie

Jackie — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 19:29:21 +0000

@tightwad & ann

Some people do still hold to old fashioned ideals about the man always paying for dinner – funnily enough there are both women AND men holding to this ideal.

As a woman who grew up with feminism, I have no problem going dutch on a date or paying for the whole thing if I was the one who did the invite. I won’t argue about it if the man insists on paying regardless, but I certainly have NO expectations on this front. Also, I do not feel that I owe a man anything beyond courtesy and pleasant, platonic company if he pays nor do I think he owes me anything more than that if I pay.

Since money can be a hot button topic and since the first few dates are often about fumbling your way towards some understanding of each other – it’s sometimes more difficult to see social change as it relates to sexist “who pays” conventions. It’s also easy to step on toes.

By: Tightwad

Tightwad — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 09:59:15 +0000

Yes, the females want liberation until it comes down to certain things and then they expect the man to forget all about their plight…. simply ridiculous!
If your lunch companion paid last time, then it is only fair that you should pay this time around David, so you did the right thing.

P.S.

By: Jackie

Jackie — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 05:02:14 +0000

I’ve never been stung by friends, the opposite in fact. I have one friend who always tries to pay by always saying that I paid last time. I had to point out to her that her statement is nice, but entirely illogical. A lot of my friends offer to pay, a lot of the time. I do also do my share, well, maybe less than my share. They often say they want to treat me since I have a single income and they have two.

Similarly, my parents pretty much always pay even though I am the youngest of the children at 31! The few times they let me treat them, my dad still insists on paying for the tip.

So, mostly we don’t worry about it. All of my friends offer to pay or we just ask for individual tickets from the server. When we go out to celebrate a birthday, it’s usually not a hassle there either. Sometimes one person pays for the birthday woman, or we all pitch in. *shrug* We’re all pretty direct and close enough to talk frankly about money.

By: RB @ Richby30Retireby40

RB @ Richby30Retireby40 — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 20:11:12 +0000

Great post! I have a friend, in the same line I’m in.. and whenever the bill comes for me or with clients, somehow he ALWAYS GOES TO THE BATHROOM right beforehand! That is so annoying.

When we take out clients together for drinks, he never splits the bill either and always sticks me with it. He never offers to buy me anything, even though I always offer to pay. This injustice put a strain on our relationship, and I no longer want to do any client events together anymore.

The server always gives the bill to the richer looking person, so you should feel complimented. Well, I guess the server generally pushes the bill towards the male too.

Great topic. Something I will discuss on my blog as well.

Rgds,

By: Junebaby

Junebaby — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 17:23:25 +0000

I had a work-related experience a few years ago that I feel was handled the wrong way. One person in our department was moving away, so we all took her out to dinner. The organizer told us that we would each pay for our own dinner and an equal portion of the honoree’s dinner. Then she was invited to bring along her husband and children. I was on a very tight budget then, so I ordered a cheap dinner and no alcohol for myself. At the END of the meal, the organizer announced that we were all paying for the honoree AND HER FAMILY! My tab was $40.00 and I had only $20.00 with me!
I thought I knew the rules of payment going in, but I was still caught by surprise. I have never been out to dinner with co-workers since.