Comments on: Kids Still Living At Home But Not Helping Financially (Your Advice)

By: Jack

Jack — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 11:03:29 +0000

Alden, you show an impressive inability to accept others outside your own lifestyle along with a lack of understanding in the area of percentages for someone who graduated Ivy League. 99% is hardly anything. Out of 1 million individuals using birth control, would you say that the unlucky 10,000 deserve what they received as a result of their actions? Also, the rate for the most effective birth control is 97~99%, not simply 99%. Just a detail you seem to have missed.

It seems as though you take great pride in your having been a “smart kid”, so I hope you don’t find my comments overly offensive. This post is intended to correct your bad advice and address your intellectual narrow-mindedness for the sake of others reading, not to attack your person.

By: Momwithboundaries

Momwithboundaries — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 17:02:03 +0000

My daughter will tell any parent…DO NOT ENABLE YOUR KIDS!!! They will resent you for it and take advantage of you! I made my daughter leave the house at 19 due to drugs, laziness, and lack of respect. She moved home 2 1/2 years later to get her life in order and was tired of the life “SHE” had chosen. She got her life together, bought her first home at 24 by herself (we did loan her $8000 which she has paid back with the first time homebuyers tax credit) pays all her bills, rents out her spare room to help with her bills(the rent pays half her payment, she bought within her means and what she could afford, not her dream home) drives a decent vehicle, goes on vacations, and enjoys life and feels a great deal of accomplishment and rightly so. I am very proud of who she has become and she thanks me all the time for not enabling her but loving her and being there for her when she needed me. She makes a very median income and does not extend herself. She manages money better than most people twice her age. She also tells all the parents of her friends to not enable their kids and let them grow up. When you let your kids deal with their own problems they no longer will be a problem to you. The problem is your kids need some problems. If they don’t have a job they should be leaving the house when you do and come home when you do and look for a job as long as you are at work. You’d be amazed at how quickly they will find work, even in this economy. Do your kids a favor and stop doing so much for your kids.

By: Erika

Erika — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 08:31:11 +0000

I think some of you are really mean and are clueless about the living situation options of 20-somethings today. That’s not to say that I don’t think that parents shouldn’t put limits on what they’ll accept from grown children living at home, nor do I think that it is an excuse for adults to be lazy or moochers (or both).

Some of you homeowners out there may not know this but it’s not that easy to just go get an apartment anymore. Many apartment managers have the requirement that a potential renter make 3 times the rent in income before they’ll even consider renting to that person. Three times??? That starts adding up. Who on an entry-level salary makes that much money?

Finding roommates is a viable option, but I’d hope people can trust the kind of people they move in with. Would you just move in with anybody?

That said, these are just obstacles and they can be overcome I’d imagine when one wants independence bad enough.

By: ditto

ditto — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 00:16:24 +0000

Thanks Alden.
After re-reading my post I realized I should have been more detailed.
After he separated, there was a lot of legal issues. He does help out around the house, supports himself in every way and though he doesn’t have an extra several hundred dollars to give he does pay for small things around the home & provides extra food. Also he does work full time.

To Stacey, I dont want to sound rude but is on something? if he’s extremely introverted community colleges often have Assertiveness classes or perhaps he could seek some kind of therapy.

By: Alden

Alden — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 22:10:11 +0000

and to ditto…if your kid is paying child support….they are SO SO SO incredibly beyond living at home. They chose to be an adult. The birth control pill is 99% effective. And abortion and adoption are always options. If your kid has a kid, that was a CHOICE they made and a pretty adult one. If it were my child, out of my house, no support, no contact.

By: Alden

Alden — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 22:02:31 +0000

Eric – Really? refuse to work more than 25 – 30 hours a week? I hope you plan to be poor/homeless your whole life and you DESERVE it.

I’m 24,(graduated college ’08) I earn over 6 figures at my job and my boyfriend (2 years older than me) earns over half a million at his. We both work 60 – 80 hours a week now. My first year I worked 80 – 100 hours a week. His first three years he routinely worked over 100 hours a week. ALL AT ONE JOB EACH FOR BOTH OF US. You have to be hungry.

My mother begged me to move home after my ivy league graduation. I love her, and want to get her an apartment out where I live but moving home for me was not an option. I pay her healthcare and part of her mortgage (though I haven’t lived there in a decade – elite boarding school – on full scholarship with living expenses).

BUT FOR ALL THOSE PARENTS WHO KICK THEIR KIDS OUT. Despite being the first person n my family to go to college and raised by a single mum. My mum did everything she possibly could to help me out in high school and college so that i could take internships based on career advancement rather than financial concerns and look where I am now?

You might say, oh well I’m an ivy league kid so I must be smart. True. But if your kid isn’t at that level (or close) you are the fool for paying for college. Numerous studies have shown that if you don’t attend one of the top 311 colleges in the country, there is 0 incremental increase in earning potential over a high school graduate. In fact, those students attending colleges outside the top 311 generally end up earning less than their high school graduate contemporaries because they wasted valuable years when they could have been learning a trade(and wasted valuable parents capital that could have been used for investment in tools/training/licensing/own business).So basically unless your kid is home applying for grad school. If they can’t get a job after graduation you were a fool for paying for college in the first place.

And its not about major…I was a classics (latin and ancient greek) major – so essentially useless.

By: Stacey

Stacey — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 12:40:21 +0000

My situation is this: I have a 20 year old who dropped out of high school and has only worked a few months earning very little. He has not made the effort to go back to school or tried to get his GED. He has not filled out work applications. His step-father and I argue about his lack of motivation. His step father does not want to support my son any longer and wants him to move in with his father. I’m torn and stuck between a rock and a hard place. Should I ask him to live with his father? Should I fill out the work applications for him considering he won’t? I have pushed him and gotten him in programs but once they end, he is right back to his normal routine of staying up late and sleeping in. He’s an introverted person and lacks self esteem, self confidence, and self motivation. He is going no where. He rarely contributes at home. I am not sure what to do as he is not prepared to live on his own. What should I do?

By: ditto

ditto — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 03:21:19 +0000

What if the child or son / daughter was paying child support & had to move home to make ends meet?

By: Eric

Eric — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 02:30:36 +0000

I agree with the parents on the point that after college people should find a job and help with the expenses, but don’t expect your kids to leave immediately.

As parents you probably have experience going out and making it on your own, but things are different now. The costs of living have increased greatly while income remains low – and jobs are hard to find in this economy. By law you can kick your kids out, but if you do don’t be surprised when you see them homeless on the side of a street.

Frankly some of these answers make me sick.

Like Chris’s answer: “Get a job, get two, get three. Get a roommate

By: Judy

Judy — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 18:11:45 +0000

So, actually i am 26yrs old, living with my parents, looking for a job, but not contributing financially to the household, because im broke now. When i was working i did contribute. Anyhow, the only good advise ive read for people like me is to grow a pair!!! Ive taken the luxury to find my dream job before i TRY and move out! Yes now i realize that for me, that is not a possibility right now. My parents never told me or suggested to move out, which is great of them, the love their kids. But for me who only got the hint recently at 26yrs old, maybe talking to your kids about moving out or to take a direction is a good idea. I have a lot of struggles and challenges ahead, but its the only way. The other direction is a sick dependence on your loved ones, that will have ugly consequences. Wish me luck and courage!!